Thursday, August 28, 2008

Carry on, we'll carry on

Hi all,

Good god I'm exhausted.

I didn't get to sleep until sometime around 2-3 am last night and got up at 7:30. Working on top of that has be completely pooped, though I'm sure the recently devoured large meal has something to do with my fatigue.

I'm really upset with the roommates. Especially Michele. I've tried to contact her about the key (which I was supposed to get yesterday but didn't, so I was supposed to get today... and haven't). Now I'm asking if I can get the name/number of the manager, whom I've met but not exchanged contact information with. I've left three messages, two text and one voice, asking for the information and have been calling since 3, but she hasn't responded. It is making me increasingly worried and agitated.

Mostly because I just handed her a shit-ton of money, and she's off out of town until Sunday.

Now she's ignored my repeated attempts to contact her before, but she's always apologized and reassured me that's she's just really lazy. I believe her mainly because I've done the same, but I can't help but feel jittery right now.

What's happening is that tomorrow I can work, and then Saturday-Monday all I have to do is... nothing. I really want to move in that time, before Tuesday when full school and work schedule start up. Right now I'm going, "There's nothing to do!" but by Tuesday I'll be going, "Shit! There's too much to do!" I'm going to really be pissed if she doesn't get back to me until Sunday and I find that I have to start school, start moving, and work all in the same deal.

I don't know. When I'm engaged in business transactions I tend to be overly-communicative, so when someone is silent I get generally paranoid. What if they're stealing the money, what if this is a scam, what if she's pissed at me for sending so many damned texts, etc.

I'm also worried because I do have packages that are being sent to the new address. Mostly to do with AT&T, and a birthday package from my mother. I've done this because I've been assured multiple times that we were to be in the process of moving by now at the latest. Well, I'm starting to get peeved.

I really hope I'm just worrying over this too much and things will be smoothed over tomorrow, but I can't help but think the worst. My entire life I've been given the worse, and when people assure me, "Don't worry, things will be great," I can't help but not believe them.

... and that's what my counselor would call "trust issues".

Anyway, I'm very tired and I've been on and off the phone with different people all day. I really hope I can get the ball rolling for this weekend. Talk to ya'll later.



Holy fucking shit all,

On an off chance, I put down on my AIM buddy list my stepbrothers long ago s/n. And I mean from more then ten years ago long time ago. I figured that it was a lost cause, that I wouldn't find him or anything...


So on the morning before my first day of work I'm trembling in little bare feet, barely able to type, catching up with a brother I haven't talked to in over two years.


And as an FYI, my "brother" is mostly terminology at this point. We do not have a blood or marital tie that binds us. I still think of him as a brother though.


I cannot begin to describe how much I've missed him.

And sorry for not posting yesterday, I really should have, but I felt like there was nothing to say. I may make up for it by two posts today. Who knows?


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Fly with me

Hi all,

Packing today. Lots and lots and lots of packing.

Yup. That's about it. Gave over a check for Rent/Deposit. Should be getting the keys tomorrow and be able to move in... tomorrow.

I start work at the bookstore on Thursday. Yay. Will be definatley moving by then.


Monday, August 25, 2008

I think about loveless fascination

Hi all,

Well, today was a very good day. Not only did I get a call from University Art, I also got a call from the local used/new bookstore, and a call from about two gazillion other places that I've heard not a peep from until now. I did go and interview at the bookstore and I was offered a job starting at $10/hour and 25 hours a week. I told him--and he took it VERY well--that I was considering other offers at the moment as well, but that I'd definitely get back to him by early Wednesday.

Tomorrow I go to the pet store and back to the art store. Uncle D is helping me out by giving me a ride to places.

I'm very happy that I have a solid job offer now. Yes, he still was offering even after I said I was considering new positions. Speaking of--I'd never thought I'd tell an employer that I'd call them, instead of the other way around!

University Art has promised me about 30-35 hours a week at $8.50/hour. This about equal out to the bookstore, but the bookstore is closer to light rail and easier to get to--plus has no dress code. And it has book cats.

Well, cat. I was sad to hear that the large long-haired gray kitty recently passed away, which made me sad.

In case you haven't put two and two together, I've shopped at this bookstore for a long time. I've also shopped at the art store for a long time. As long as I can shop at any store considering I've only been in the area a little over two years.

... yeah, it has been that long, hasn't it?

I am leaning towards the bookstore job. Mostly for the lack of dress code, the cats, the higher pay, the less hours, the books... the everything about it. I really like that it's a small local business. University Art has many locations and a hell of a lot more employees and all. Plus there's going to be a much more diversified and interesting crowd coming into the crowded, musty, cat-occupied bookstore on one of the valley's most trafficked road then into the art supply store. Apparently they see mostly students.

I really liked it when I worked at Borders and the guy that was interviewing me seemed to like it as well.

And I think it would be really nice to work around my passion again.

I've been reading a lot more recently, the last two weeks, then in the last five or six months. I finished Angels & Demons by Dan Brown, Black House by Stephen King and Peter Straub, Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen (Kind of Practical-Magic-esque), and am part of the way through Contact by Carl Sagan.

I'm also reading the Players Handbook for D&D, the new fourth edition. I usually read that before I go to sleep and it has a strange effect on my dreams, though not entirely fantasy-submerged. Mostly dreams about role-playing, creating and playing characters... etc, etc.

Apparently the boyfriend finds it quite hot for me to be reading that book whilst I am nekkid in bed.

One thing I did not inquire upon was if I received any discounts. I did ask about benefits packages and such, but the response was that they're mostly for management.

... mm, no dress code...

I could finally dye my hair white with purple streaks like I've always wanted to. And wear jeans to work. And wear comfortable shoes. Wear band t-shirts and batman t-shirts and all. "Nothing offensive," he said, "And I'd say nothing torn up, but I have a skater employee that comes in all the time in those clothes. If he offends anyone, he can usually charm them out of it just as quick, so that's OK, too."

Not that I'd want to wear my ripped pants. They've ripped down the seat now too. If it were just the three holes in front I'd be OK, but it's not anymore.

Ho hum. So, tonight is the last night I'll spent with the boyfriend before he goes to PAX. He's crashing at a friend’s tomorrow night to make an 8am flight on Wednesday. My roommates plan on having the first months and deposit ready before they head out to a LARP weekend event starting Thursday and going to Sunday. I'm probably going to be the one and only moving stuff this week. I've already decided not to go to the LARP because A. I don't have the cash and B. I may be needed for moving/working.

No problem, though. I really wanted to go, but I don't mind. Camping brings up bad memories of unspeakable times. I figure that even if it doesn't get me for the first two days, it will eventually. Plus, I still don't know the crowd very well. I figure, let them all have fun and come back to a mostly unpacked home.

Then, Tuesday is my birthday. I'll be twenty! No longer a teenager--booyah!

Wish me luck on the close of my second decade and into the start of my third. I feel like I can actually be proud to say my age because I'm no longer, "Just a teenager".

Though I assume I'll still be getting, "Lord, you're just a kid!" for a while to come...

Toodles, take care, love,


Sunday, August 24, 2008

I've got to know, know, know you

Hey all.

Today I went with the Uncle D. to San Francisco and went fishing off the wharf. You don't need a fishing license to fish there, so it was very fun. We didn't catch anything, but we did lose 6 hooks and 3 weights. I'd consider that a successful day.

We then went to eat on the wharf, after dropping supplies off at the car. The food where we went was really good, but the service was god-awful. The kid that was helping us was more interested in chatting with his coworkers (mostly women) then actually giving service. Uncle D. had to walk up to him to ask for refills on our drinks, and when he came back with them, neither had ice and Uncle D. didn't even get a new lemon in his iced tea. Not only that, but he spent several minutes with both our glasses full at the bar talking to another coworker.

I don't know about all you people, but I'd have been damned embarrassed to have a customer come up to me when I was supposed to be paying attention to point out their glasses were empty. I would then make sure to QUICKLY serve them and apologize, probably 2-3 times.

But no, he went and talked with his coworker for a while and shot the shit. Which is total BS.

Hm, but it was a good day. Every time I go to San Francisco I say, "Man, I really really want to live here." I can persuade myself I don't when I'm away, but as soon as I'm there, I get this reckless urge to check into employment and living opportunities and just move my butt over there. I mean, the place is chock full of good public transit, nice places to go, good colleges, plenty of job opportunities. The only problem is high rent, so I'd have to have multiple roommates (like I do now).

IF I could find a situation like I have here out there, I'd move. I'd have to convince the boyfriend, but even if he didn't want to... I think I'd move. I feel a draw to that city that is really hard to explain.

See ya'll later, happy trails and all. Oh, by the way, wish me luck. Tomorrow I'm hoping to receive a phone call from the art store that I interviewed at. If I get hired, it's--

Happy, happy, happy,

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Hey remember that time...

So I got the text message yesterday about Barack Obama's VP selection, Joe Biden. I haven't read too much into him yet (only about five minutes worth before hopping on here), but I think it's a fairly good selection as far as I can tell so far. I think Obama realized that he had to balance out the "He's so inexperienced" crap he's getting with someone who has years and years of it, and is well respected in Washington. My "Yay!" is that Obama is such a presence that he can rally someone like that to his cause. Go Obama.

Of course then I hop on over to the McCain website and see a new Ad saying, "Oh, look at this... Biden said something bad about Obama in the past! He doesn't believe in Obama's cause and supports John McCain!"

... I really get tired of this three ring circus bullshit. For one thing, you don't see the entire clip, it's obviously cut to give the best angle to McCain. For another, even if Biden saw something wrong with Obama then, there's no law stating he couldn't have changed his mind, or that you can disagree with someone on one thing, but agree with a whole slew of other things.

Again, I feel I'm being shown the narrow-mindedness of my own country, because I know that there are many, many American's that are not going to realize they're being misdirected or shown propaganda.

And I know that Obama gives out propaganda too, and it can serve a good purpose as well as bad, but there is a distinction between what you hear and see and what you actually believe--what is plausible.

Anyway, I must be signing off because I have to bike to a friends for a D&D game. I was going to post about Vivendi studios and the game I've been playing "Evil Genius", but then this whole political campaign thing got in the way.

As a last aside, I do receive campaign e-mails from both sides, Obama and McCain (both always asking me to donate, which is annoying). And I have to admit, probably because of my bias towards W. Bush, that McCain just seems like more of the same. No matter how eloquently people speak about him and his great contributions to America, I cannot get over his positions on the issues currently at hand with America. I don't believe he'd be making the right decisions, and I do believe that he would lead this nation further into darkness (how melodramatic was that??).

I'll be seeing you all. Hey, a post a day isn't too hard so far!


Friday, August 22, 2008

Come into my room

I just re-discovered Google Earth.

It has just taken up 3.25 hours of my life.


So worth it.


P.S. - Heh heh, I can see the lines for the Vatican from SPACE.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Don't let it fade

I had a thought today.

I thought, hey, whatever happened to those journals that I can't seem to find anymore? The one with the year stamped on the cover and each of the days with one page worth of lines to write out a daily tidbit. I was thinking--if I could find one of those for 2009 I'd use it. I'd write in it every day even if it were a ":-(" or a "Today was great" or a "<3". Maybe even some days I'd wish there were more then a page, but I'd only write in that one page. Even if I had to write really small.

Then I thought--hell, why the fuck should I pay the money for something paper-like when I have this blog. This blog that I will often abandon in pursuits of laziness.

I think I will set that goal for myself though, that every day I type a little something on here. Even if it's a little nonsense. And I'm not bound by length and pages, but I'll try and keep the long ranty bits to myself so I don't burn out. Because I do. Often.

So! Let's start.


I'm eating a bowl of Cocoa Rice Crispy Bits (I don't know what they're actually called) because right now they're the closest thing in the house to comfort food. I've had a pretty rough day looking for a job. I was out for about seven hours and about four of them were just sitting at bus stops and in transit.

Most places I inquire into jobs are either A. Not hiring or B. Only accepting online applications or C. Accepting applicants but not for any positions that I'd be good for or D. Accepting but I'm told that I have to buy lots of stuff (car for delivery jobs, clothes for stores like 'Forever 21') in order to fit their criteria.

So out of seven hours I only filled out one application, and that was for a store in the mall that would basically having me stand in the middle of the mall asking people to fill out surveys. Very not-me, but still a paying job where it seems everyone is telling me, "The economy sucks".

I did have the boyfriend pick me up from the bus stop because every time I'm out either the stress levels, the sun, or BOTH give me a massive headache. There were also pains in my left knee and hip today as I was walking, and I did a LOT of walking. There was a bus stop that I had a seven block detour because of construction in order to get to. In addition to everything else (which probably adds up to five-six miles all told).

Most of my stress today has been from the fact that I just signed a lease agreement, have less then $10 to my name, am relying on the boyfriend for money, and have just ordered $467.07 (dispersed over three payments) of AT&T services for the new place including landline, DSL, and a cell phone. Add to that the possible $300+ that I'll be needing to dish out in early termination fees for the AT&T business line and my crappy ass internet service (which is why I'm switching to AT&T DSL)... and yeah, I'm a little bugged over everything. Sure, everything is in three payments, I can ask people for help, roomates will be chipping in on $25 of the overall $80.75 monthly AT&T bill (their share does NOT include my cell phone), but that just means that more money is owed in more places.

I finally put my foot down to the boyfriend today that I will not be getting a license anytime soon. I know that he wants to be able to hand over the wheel to me occasionally so that he's not the only driver, but I'm looking at the cost of it and just shaking my head in resolute "no". For one, my license was revoked in MO and I did check and found out I have to pay back all applicable fees there before getting a license here in CA. A. I don't have the money for the fees, which I'm assuming are going to run several hundred dollars (I was involved in a minor traffic accident and did not show to court because I had moved at the time). B. I'd have to pay for gas ($4.41 a gallon!) and insurance... which God knows how much that'd cost me.

No, I much prefer riding a bicycle and dishing out $61.25 for a monthly bus pass. The convenience of a vehicle would be lovely, but I also have credit card debt and personal debt to worry about FIRST. There is list, certain things have priority, and getting a license is not one of them.

He did take it fairly well, once those points were made.

So.... yeah. I'm still getting a grip on the whole real-world real-money thing. I know lots of seasoned adults are out there shaking their heads and scratching their scalp going, "What the hell is she thinking?"


I honestly don't know. Most of the time. Sometimes, usually when sitting at bus stops, I can come up with really good counter-arguments to my own stupidity.

Of course, I think that's just human.


Sunday, August 17, 2008

Get up, get up, get away from this place

Hi all.

So tomorrow we're signing the paperwork for the duplex, and we should be moving in within the next two weeks or so. I'm really scared and excited. Scared because I'm still unsure about my fiscal stability and excited because--well, I'll be moving out. I'm also fairly sure I can handle the finances given my recent (within the last year) ability to keep money long enough and not impulse purchase like I used to. I still impulse, but to a much smaller degree.

Tomorrow I'm also going back to the college to find out how much more paperwork I have to fill out for financial aide and get the information on scholarships and other things that will provide more aide. I still do not want to get a student loan, but I've told myself that if in a year I'm still having problems like now I may have to. That IS what they're for, after all. It's hella expensive and hard having a 32 hour/week job and being a full time student while commuting via public transit.

I know, I know, I complaign a lot. Or, at least, point out that my life situation sometimes kinda sucks.

But, honestly, I couldn't be happier right now. I'm finally off the streets and feel like I'm looking towards a much better and brighter future. I'm very in love and it looks like we're going to be living somewhere where no one is driving either of us bonkers. We're going to be able to be exhausted together--both of us have about the same schedule--and we're going to have five cats running around creating mischief.

I really love California right now, and I am really happy that I was able to get out of a horrible situation that just seemed to be getting worse. I have many people to thank for that--it wouldn't have been possible this soon without aide from my uncle (as annoying as he is) or even without the boyfriend.

Plus it seems I'll be getting a goodly amount of aide from the college. And that's another thing--I really like college. I love learning, I love this point in my life. I'm extremely happy and satisfied. Sometimes coming home exhausted after a long day of work and school, with the next day looking like exactly the same, makes me strangely happy.

I certainly enjoyed being able to relax this summer and having little to do and all that, but I'm really looking forward to a full schedule again. I feel like I get a lot more done and am much more satisfied with myself when those times are around. Something about being lethargic and get very depressing after a while.


Hm, well, I honestly thing that's it for right now. I'll be around!


Monday, August 11, 2008

We are accidents waiting to happen

Hello all. I'm guessing you're not surprised by my lack of activity.

Well the financial aid check was not for as much as I figured it would be, damn, damn, double damn. I still have enough to hold me through until I get a new job (hopefully). I did treat to the monthly outing with the boyfriend, and it was very fun. Instead of going to a play we went to a water park where I, as the a-typical Irish girl, got badly sun burnt despite applying and re-applying SPF 70.

Still, it was very enjoyable. I re discovered my love of water slides. I had some Oafish frat boys yell out at me, "Don't fall out!" as I went down a slide on my own. Have I ever mentioned my dislike of current fashions and their low-cut... everything?? I don't need the help, not with D-D's.

I've not been working as well as I'd like on my stories (any of them). I'm writing a pseudo-fan-fiction piece for my character from the City of Heroes MMORPG, and my novel, and some short story bits. But I have not written anything in little over a week.

I'm also being constantly balked in my attempt to tie off all the ends of the financial aid for this coming (soon!) semester. I had to get another Dependency Review because of my transfer to City, and one of the requirements was for a professional to write a review of my parental status to make sure that I am not lying about being kicked out and all. The first week I forgot to bring it to my psychologist, the next week she had to cancel the appointment because of an emergency, the week after that I forgot to give her the sheet until the end of the session, and only received the finished paperwork this last Friday. Bloody annoying.

After my meeting with her on Friday I went to City to complete everything and the financial aid office was closed. Ends up they close at 1pm on Fridays, and I got there at 3:15. Damn it.

So I'm going back tomorrow, and hopefully all will be well. I'm also going to follow up on applications that I sent out to Borders and Barnes & Noble stores in the hope of working in a retail environment that will not annoy the hell out of me. I'm also going to see about applying to some of the local restaurants. Funny that I hadn't thought about being a waitress until Travis mentioned something about it. Then I was all for it--tips! Also, working with the scourge of society and seeing the worst side of people, but... tips!

I also stopped painting soon after my last entry. Painters block or something.

The spell of CoH's is starting to wear off now. I'm no longer waking up with an undying desire to play for several hours. I am, however, beginning to really get into a browser-based game called Kingdom of Loathing. Which only allows you so many turns a day, so it's not as all-consuming. Thank god.

So... I may be moving out of the Uncle D arena soon. Some friends of mine are moving out of their place and they're looking for roommates. Travis and I are getting a little tired of my Uncle's company and yearn for those of our own generation, hopefully with school/work schedules that take them out of the house (unlike the Uncle). So I may be living the stereotypical situation of being a full time student with a part time job, living with her college boyfriend and two college roommates. Riding a bicycle everywhere (and a beautiful bicycle it is!).

Her name is Ruby Valentine.

When I look at my shiny bike and reflect on how much it cost ($797 with all accessories) I think, "The money I parted with is a small price to pay for having a most awesome bike that does not pain my back, and that allows me to carry groceries and books and anything else I will upon it. It also will never add up to the atrocious amount of money I would spent on a car and how much it would cost to maintain it. I made a good decision."

Because the first thing I did after parting with that money was feel physically ill, all because I've never had to part with that much money before in my life. Besides the time I paid off about $1000 worth of debt. But that doesn't count. This is an object, a consumer thing, not a negative money band aide.

And this money that I seem to pull out of the ether? Yeah, that'd be financial aide.

*whistles and shuffles feet*

Hey! I need it. Yes, I feel kind of guilty when I purchase these things, but I need them. Hoofing it everywhere is damned annoying and a bike gets me where I'm going without having to take the bus with all the homeless people that smell like excrement, the screaming babies, the people that randomly propose marriage to me...

All I have to worry about are the idiots on the road that don't look where they're going and try to run into me all the time. At least I'm observant of the road and have the self-awareness to call someone with a car to come get me when I'm too tired. Plus I wear a florescent yellow jacket at night and the bike (as you may or may not be able to see) has both a headlight and rear light for prime visibility. The only thing that scares me is if Ruby Valentine gets stolen or of being run over by some drunken yuppie in an SUV.


Back to what I was talking about, being the a-typical student type. I actually kind of like living the stereotype. It's nostalgic without ever having experienced it before, like reliving so many movies. Only it's tedious and very hungry sometimes.

Ah, and today marks the eighth month of me being cigarette-free. Woo? Yeah, I guess. But I'm not really going to pat myself on the back until I reach three or five years. I know how easy it is to get back into something after half a year, I did it recently (My smoking stint from September (?) to December) and still feel ashamed about it. That had been after six months. However, in that six months I smoked cigarettes several times, bummed from strangers and sometimes bought and smoked (one or two before throwing away the pack) from a convenience store. This time I have not even touched a cigarette, except for the day AFTER I proclaimed I was done. That was my only slipup. Since then, nothing, and that DOES mean eight months completely tobacco free.

I do like stereotypes, and there is something quite compelling about the image of the broody writer that sits in the corner with smoldering eyes and smoldering cigarette while surveying the world. I got into that image and liked it. Now I'm realizing I don't need cigarettes to be the broody writer in the corner. I can accomplish the same image by blowing bubble gum.

Which I do now, habitually.

I should go. It's nearing three in the morning and I have my chores to do tomorrow. I'll send this on its way to post on the gigantic cork-board that is the blogging internet space, and wish you all happy trails.