Thursday, August 21, 2008

Don't let it fade

I had a thought today.

I thought, hey, whatever happened to those journals that I can't seem to find anymore? The one with the year stamped on the cover and each of the days with one page worth of lines to write out a daily tidbit. I was thinking--if I could find one of those for 2009 I'd use it. I'd write in it every day even if it were a ":-(" or a "Today was great" or a "<3". Maybe even some days I'd wish there were more then a page, but I'd only write in that one page. Even if I had to write really small.

Then I thought--hell, why the fuck should I pay the money for something paper-like when I have this blog. This blog that I will often abandon in pursuits of laziness.

I think I will set that goal for myself though, that every day I type a little something on here. Even if it's a little nonsense. And I'm not bound by length and pages, but I'll try and keep the long ranty bits to myself so I don't burn out. Because I do. Often.

So! Let's start.


I'm eating a bowl of Cocoa Rice Crispy Bits (I don't know what they're actually called) because right now they're the closest thing in the house to comfort food. I've had a pretty rough day looking for a job. I was out for about seven hours and about four of them were just sitting at bus stops and in transit.

Most places I inquire into jobs are either A. Not hiring or B. Only accepting online applications or C. Accepting applicants but not for any positions that I'd be good for or D. Accepting but I'm told that I have to buy lots of stuff (car for delivery jobs, clothes for stores like 'Forever 21') in order to fit their criteria.

So out of seven hours I only filled out one application, and that was for a store in the mall that would basically having me stand in the middle of the mall asking people to fill out surveys. Very not-me, but still a paying job where it seems everyone is telling me, "The economy sucks".

I did have the boyfriend pick me up from the bus stop because every time I'm out either the stress levels, the sun, or BOTH give me a massive headache. There were also pains in my left knee and hip today as I was walking, and I did a LOT of walking. There was a bus stop that I had a seven block detour because of construction in order to get to. In addition to everything else (which probably adds up to five-six miles all told).

Most of my stress today has been from the fact that I just signed a lease agreement, have less then $10 to my name, am relying on the boyfriend for money, and have just ordered $467.07 (dispersed over three payments) of AT&T services for the new place including landline, DSL, and a cell phone. Add to that the possible $300+ that I'll be needing to dish out in early termination fees for the AT&T business line and my crappy ass internet service (which is why I'm switching to AT&T DSL)... and yeah, I'm a little bugged over everything. Sure, everything is in three payments, I can ask people for help, roomates will be chipping in on $25 of the overall $80.75 monthly AT&T bill (their share does NOT include my cell phone), but that just means that more money is owed in more places.

I finally put my foot down to the boyfriend today that I will not be getting a license anytime soon. I know that he wants to be able to hand over the wheel to me occasionally so that he's not the only driver, but I'm looking at the cost of it and just shaking my head in resolute "no". For one, my license was revoked in MO and I did check and found out I have to pay back all applicable fees there before getting a license here in CA. A. I don't have the money for the fees, which I'm assuming are going to run several hundred dollars (I was involved in a minor traffic accident and did not show to court because I had moved at the time). B. I'd have to pay for gas ($4.41 a gallon!) and insurance... which God knows how much that'd cost me.

No, I much prefer riding a bicycle and dishing out $61.25 for a monthly bus pass. The convenience of a vehicle would be lovely, but I also have credit card debt and personal debt to worry about FIRST. There is list, certain things have priority, and getting a license is not one of them.

He did take it fairly well, once those points were made.

So.... yeah. I'm still getting a grip on the whole real-world real-money thing. I know lots of seasoned adults are out there shaking their heads and scratching their scalp going, "What the hell is she thinking?"


I honestly don't know. Most of the time. Sometimes, usually when sitting at bus stops, I can come up with really good counter-arguments to my own stupidity.

Of course, I think that's just human.



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