Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Don't know how much time has passed but, oh, it feels like forever

*Drums fingers on the table*

I'm such a bad person. I do way too much internet stuff while I'm at work. I can't help it if solitaire has begun to bore me to death, and I need other things to do. At this moment I'm all a-twitter over being back here, on the blogger. Do you know how many blogs I started since I left here or, rather, left ladyteigra? About three. Three blogs in approximately 9 months.

That seems a little excessive, does it not?

They're under different names, but of course those freaky internet sleuths can find me regardless of that. Doesn't that scare you sometime? Your own fingerprint on every site that you visit on the great wide web? It sure gives me the willies.

Well, my general hangouts these days have turned to MMORPGs. I'm currently playing City of Heroes and Mabinogi. I've also, in the last six months, gone to two RPG gaming conventions, DunDraCon and KublaCon. I played "Jesus Hates Zombies" which was a ridiculously fun time. I've re-acquainted myself with my inner geek.

I realized that though I hung out with the friend types, Matthew and Nikki, that were into marijuana, hard music, loud noises, smoking, etc., that's not who I was before I met them. I realized that when I was hanging out with them I was trying to be that "cool person" from back in my middle and high school days. I made many mistakes because I was trying to attain that status. I forgot how fun it was to hang out with my totally un-cool friends and do un-cool things.

Because, and I know this has been said a million times, High School ends up being... very unimportant in the grand scheme of things. In the last six months I've been trying very hard to shake off the last vestiges of that horrible experience and the others that followed, because High School seemed to follow me around that crappy little town. Here, in the grand northern cities of California, it's like my old life in Missouri was nothing but a dream.

A fever dream.

The last I saw of Nikki was sometime in late September or early October of 2007. The last I heard of Matthew was sometime mid-February of 2008. Last time I talked to Nikki she was quite angry because I refused to give her any more of her things until she gave me mine and at least half of the $300 that she owed me. The last I heard of Matthew, he had been kicked out of his house, refused to accept my aide to come out here, and was genuinely angry at me for telling him he was an idiot for thinking of driving a P.O.S. '87 Mazda two thousand miles to my city.

I've come to the conclusion that both of these people are immature, irresponsible and generally over dramatic. I have far more respect still for Matthew rather then Nikki, but the fact that he continues to stand up for her is a mark against.

So the hunt began a few months ago and continues to this day for new friends and perhaps new hobbies to go along with those. My hobbies have long ago turned into full-out passions, and they're the type that lends itself to solitary instead of social. Sure, I can find art, drawing, writing and literary enthusiasts... but it is much harder to find them then to find, say, gaming enthusiasts. And gamers often come with art, writing, literary backgrounds. At least, the ones I want to hang out with.

I've turned from pot-head, smoker, drinker, rocker chick to a gamer, writing, artwork chick. Next semester I'm beginning a full schedule for school, at least twelve credit hours, and I'm transferring from my current, crappy community college to a further away but far less crappy community college.

Hm, I'm far more in debt then I was the last time you saw me, and 7/10ths of it is highly defendable. The other 3/10ths... not so much. About 6/10ths of it is family debt, stuff I owe mainly to my Uncle. His is the most understandable. We found my snake after six months and he bought the tank and all the setup for him, which ran about $180, fronted me $300 once when allergies forced me to not be able to work for two weeks, and covered about $1,600 in dental work that I needed to get done... badly. My MasterCard has my impulse purchases on it, about $500 worth, and the last $800 of my new computer (that's $700 paid off at least).

And all those dollar signs make me want to scream and pull out all my hair. Now that I'm looking around at all my purchases I'm wondering what possessed me to buy most of them. Except the paints and the canvas of course, those were a very happy thing that have continued to bring me happiness, despite the fact that I still owe for them.

I've put a ban on spending anything more on credit though. I watched a documentary titled "Maxed Out" and it gave me multiple chills up my spine, because a large demographic they were looking at in the movie were new college students. And guess what? That's me.


I just do not want to build up a habit that has be indebted to a great many people for the rest of my life. I've drawn up a plan that, giving allowances for outings and my other fiscal responsibilities, allows me to pay off all my debt by January of 2009 as long as I do not accrue any more.

It seems a long way away, but I would prefer a date of 01/2009 to something like 2023 if I continue to keep these spending habits.

Reminds me of the song from "Cabaret".

Money money money money...
Money makes the world go 'round.



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