Tuesday, August 08, 2006

He had a voice that was strong and loud

This morning I woke up in a very "Ra, Ra, kill the world, Ra, Ra." Kind of a mood. No, I really don't know why. You remember those slips here and there that I might be manic depressive? Yeah, well, we never know on these things, right?

I mean, I haven't been to see a shrink since I was thirteen. And he said it was obvious I was very disturbed and needed to be doped up and tossed in a clinic as soon as possible.

Back to this morning: I didn't get a damn. thing. done. all. day.

Which has put me in a very relaxed and happy way of thinking right now, which is very good. I like being relaxed and happy.

However, I did get an enormous amount of writing done, and that served me very well. Not writing in the new manuscript draft or anything, but writing in an angsty poetry kind of way, and drawing strange tribal designs all over my black moleskin book. I need some white out, though, so I can do it on the covers. That would be extremely nifty.

V is starting to really not like my moods as a writer, because I keep pissing her off with no regrets to it. And then when she responds, thinking that she'll pin me in some corner where I will realize "how horrible of a sister I've been", I end up shrugging it off. Annoys the little tyke to no end, but has me laughing uproarisly in my head.

Why? Because I am an unforgiving, frigid bitch when I'm in a writing mood. God help you if you turn on a TV too loud. God help you if you turn on the TV at all, like V found out today when I exploded on her about watching Ed, Edd and Eddy. The same episode, for the fifth time.

Though she has been reading a lot more recently it's only been those manga books that she gets at the library. Harry Potter is being read aloud to her, but she still isn't picking up any actual chapter books, and I wish she would. I love manga and all, but its not the only thing in the world, and she frankly doesn't understand many of the themes in the books anyway.

You can't lead a horse to water, you know?

Though she has been drinking quite a bit now.

As far as that trouble I've been having, I'm still having it and I'm not sure what to do with it. I literally cannot talk to ANYONE about it, because I have no privacy, and no relationship that doesn't come with certain strings, and certain topics of no discussion.

I would tell a few people if it wasn't for my father and the person in question hanging around all the damn time when I'm talking to my people on the weekends.

And I can't exactly kick my father out of his own workshop now, can I? And cordless phones are a thing of the far, far future.

So I'm still frustrated and loudly complaining in my head, but I'm learning to cope with my impending doom. Yay.

See you all later,



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