Monday, December 29, 2008

We are in love, we are at war

Hello hello.

Today was a very good day. It's been a very good last couple of weeks.

Moving out of the duplex with the roommate situation is like living in a place where you can actually breathe, and I feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted from my chest. The boyfriend and I both reflected that, despite only being here a short time, we have become more comfortable with our new one-bedroom then we ever did with the duplex. We already refer to this place rather fondly as "home", and I know that I yearn to come back here after work far more then I did when I lived with the other folks.

I keep looking about me recently and realizing how much of my current situation is exactly what I wished for when I was a little girl and a teenager. All those times that I ranted that I wanted some place of my own, fully my own, and my own freedom to eat, speak, spend, watch, play and be what I wanted. To not have to ask permission all the time.

I don't remember if I have mentioned this before, but I've been seeing a therapist now for about a year and a half. She's someone that's out of school and getting her internship requirements filled, so not a full-on psychologist, but it's still nice. And cheap. The cheap bit helps a lot.

My therapist told me a couple of months ago when I referred to my childhood in a negative sense (like I do... 90% of the time) that I didn't really have a childhood. That most of the time I was growing up, I already had experienced many of the full responsibilities of an adult or at least a much older child.

And I've said it a couple of times that I feel that my mother and I grew up together. She was far too young and, even still, I feel more her equal than her protege.

Woah, wow, before I go down the whole "and my mother this, and my mother that" road, I should...


Okay, okay, the biggest problem I have with this photo is:
A. I'm not smiling very well.
B. Explanation below (long winded, as usual)

Okay, so last Monday, not this Monday, was my one year anniversary of putting down cigarettes for well and good (... maybe, they say you never quit). It's been a full year, and I've been super good. I did not balk once, not one cigarette has touched my lips, no matter how much I wanted it... and there were times that I really, really wanted it.

The one large, large drawback--for me--of quitting smoking is that this last year I went from my slimmest-getting-slimmer 155 pounds to about 180. I'm not back over the 200 scale, which is good--I promised myself never again--but I'm still far larger then I really want to be.

So that's why there were no pictures. I'm have self-esteem issues again. The boyfriend does not help. Having cycstic fybrosis, he has to consume something like 6,000 calories a day, and his diet has been heavily influencing my diet, which had been so good and full of low-calorie but quiet filling meals before him. I eat more then I did before I met him now, and my meals are nowhere near as good as they used to be.

So that my shtick. I'm going to go back to playing a MMORPG and sucking on some Werther's Original caramel candies.

Mmmm... stocking stuffers...


Thursday, December 25, 2008

Cthulhu's time has come!

Remember, remember, the fifth of November?

I certainly do. It's the day that my internet was shut down. Why? Because my roommates are tards. Despite the fact that the boyfriend and I had never been late paying PG&E, and that we always gave them our share of the rent, and that we were constantly cleaning up after them, and getting things for the house--they couldn't do one. simple. thing. Pay the friggin internet bill!

I am happy to announce that the boyfriend and I have moved out of the roommate situation and into our own one-bedroom apartment. It's about $980 a month, so only about $150 more a month then the roommate duplex--and we don't have roommates! We decided we could cinch our belts on the unneeded expenditures if we really, really wanted to live alone--and we do!

So that's what happened this time. Good god, will I ever just stick around? I'm completely unsure on that.

Good news though--Fall semester is over, Spring semester does not begin for another month, and until then I got things to do. Like lay in bed because I'm miserably sick.

Why does this always happen to me around this time of year???

And as a last note:

Pictures of pink hair are to come! Be patient--for you're working with a very, very lazy person.

Love one and all on this most festive of years (and pardon me while I hack up a lung),