Friday, September 09, 2005

There's blood in my mouth, cause I've been biting my tongue all week.

I replaced the pictures in the picture frames around my computer. There are new floors in every room of the house except mine, which'll change this or next weekend. My hair is much longer. College... all A's. Job... going good. Money flowing. Things happening. Change is here.

Baby steps are no longer required. I'm taking things on a downword spiral that is completley out of control. I know where I want to be and how many different places I may end up. But change is here, and reality is flickering in front of me like a child playing with a mirror in the sun.

I have to remind myself not to get caught up in the small things. Little things should and will not affect me in this fragile time, where many things can go so wrong.

I'm letting myself drift right now, severing my ties to the earth and floating about vaguely. I'm not letting this stage in my life get to me right now. I know that it will pass, I know that it will end sooner then I think.

My sister and my father smile up at me from framed photos. They are my inspiration. Eddie with his arm thrown over my Dixie, his face unposed and therefore wonderful. So much can be taken by a picture of someone who doesn't know when there's a picture being taken. I look at these pictures, of the three of them I keep on my desk, and they whisper secrets to me.

I'm going to go find my memories again. I'm going to find out and sift through myself and create the me that I want to be.

If you leave a message, I may get back to you.

"Sometimes when we are generous in small barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever."
-Margaret Cho

"Hope is necessary in every condition."
-Samuel Johnson


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