Tuesday, August 30, 2005

I want to be where soul meets body

Oh my god, I hate homework.

But at the same time I'm thrilled by this "get a move on, go, go, go" attitude.

I was remembering two things today that have really stuck out in my day. They go as thus;

Tia, and how much I dearly, dearly miss her. I was pulling into my driveway today after Algebra and keeping a lookout for my cat and realizing that someone had just rolled on over her and didn't even bother to really see if she was okay. I remembered how she growled at me when I tried to move her away from my pillow and how scared I was because I didn't realize what was happening. And that she and I had just started getting along so well and I loved her so much and she died and I started crying. And yeah, thinking about that and writing about it now has made me cry again. Some sonofabitch just rolled over her and didn't even bother to do shit. The son of a bitch.

The day that I really fell so head over heels for Eddie. I lusted after him since about January 2004-ish when I first met him and filed him in my "hot guys to have lusty fantasies after when I'm doing the nasty" folder. And then I realized that it may spiral into something else when my mother got off the phone with David last summer (2004) and said, "So Dave is bringing Brian and Eddie with him" and I was happy about that, and I couldn't figure out why. But I think the real killer was a day that we spent in the city. We went to the Nelson Atkins Museum of Art, and then wandered down to the Plaza and went into Barnes & Noble and at that point we were on hair-petting terms. We were still "just friends", but GOD damn, I wanted him so bad. But that wasn't it, that really wasn't it. It was wandering towards Dave's cousin Dan's house (close to the Plaza), and not finding him at home and then going up a hill with the books we bought and the bottled juice and sitting there next to each other and eventually his head finding its way into my lap and me just petting his hair.

And then, by god, I looked down at him and we spent the longest time just staring at each other, and I wanted to kiss him and he wanted to kiss me, but we didn't. We didn't do a god damn thing for the entire trip.

But I fell so in love with him at that moment. I had feelings for him for sure, but they didn't solidify until that moment. Didn't turn into something really REAL.

And this is so real...

*le sigh (le good sigh)*

Alright, that tis' all my dearest darling readers of goodness, here are your two quotes for the day:

"There was never a good war or a bad peace."
Benjamin Franklin

"Joy is not in things, it is in us."
-Richard Wagner


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