Sunday, July 24, 2005

What day is this?

I think I've cried more in the past thirty-one hours then in a long time combined. Shit. I hate it when I cry. Very girlish, very stereotypical for my situation, but I am so damn overwhelmed with things.

Shit fuck.

Supposedly--since I am SIXTEEN (I put that in caps because it is apparently of such significance)--I cannot think or feel or function properly. Alright, so this is kind of true, I admit. I admit that at the moment I am chemically unbalanced. But I still DISLIKE being treated like a child (as much as I am SURE many people have heard from my exact audience). It is an old argument, true, but don't you think that since so many of us are screaming out to be treated like more mature people/persons that we should be?

I mean, for Christ's sake, I am sixteen and I graduated High School and am now in college. Don't you think that should count as something? I can--granted I live in a very small, very back-wash area of the US--usually out-think and out-maneuver over 70% of the "adult" population.

And what is so magical about the last day your 17 and the first day your 18? One day you have no rights and the next BLAMO--you're suddenly a mature, responsible adult with full voting, drafting (yes, I know the draft is gone, but humor me), smoking, car-buying, credit-establishing, apartment-leasing powers. Does that make any sense? I never thought so. One of my favorite lines is:

How do you expect a bird that has been caged for eighteen years to suddenly know how to fly?

(apparently I'm talking about a parrot, because most birds don't live that long. that i know of)

Shouldn't we slowly dim on the lights? Which is to say, shouldn't we EASE into adulthood instead of hitting us with it overnight? I know it means more to me being only sixteen, and so not that many of those of you "voters" will be that interested in the topic, but--hey! Down here, on the bottom, next to your dirt-stained, spit-stained, piss-stained boots--we're down here, we younglings. We "children"--god I hate that word--we sacks of baggage that politicians like to throw around when trying to pass a law that cuts down on more peoples liberties and rights. You know:

"Think of the children!"

Fuck the children.

I proudly state that anything that infringes on RIGHTS of my fellow American's is nothing I will support. I know that I'm a "Child" and don't know what's good for me and you all of the voting populace should decide what I should watch and see and hear and say and do, and that if I watch or see or hear or do something which you consider "inappropriate" then I'm obviously a tainted vagabond of a sort that shouldn't be listened to, but I really don't want to be slung around like some big 12-inch salami of death that beats down and oppresses a populace of adults that I will SOONER THEN YOU THINK be joining.

So fuck the children. And stop using me as leeway.

Oh crap, I so totally lost track of my topic.

What I was saying is that I'm tired of being treated so poorly. Not "Rebellious" tired. Just--let me lay here and let you do your worst kind of tired. Is that what the entire thing was about? Was beating me down?

God, I just want to run away from all this hypocritical bullshit.

Man, I hate Michael Moore.

I'm sorry, I just had to say that. I remember him saying that we should join the politicians as soon as we turn 18 to sway the course of things. And then started thinking about "The Awful Truth" which is somewhere YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO GO. Believe me. Man, I consider myself a liberal, but he fucking annoys the hell out of me.

Okay, I am SO not going there right now.

I love my boobs. My jail-bait boobs. God, I love them. They're so pretty. Though, being so supremely Irish as I am, I have freckles all over them. Typical.

But they're still pretty.

I like freckles. I don't see many girls with freckles out here. Wish I did. I'd be all over that.

Just finished watching "FIRE AND ICE" tonight. With David. First time for me and man did I love that princess... jiggling all over the place like that. I want to have sex with her. I really do. But, anyway, first time with that movie and it's made my "Way more then 10 movies TOP TEN" list.

I just like the sound of TOP TEN. Instead of, say, TOP FORTY-FIVE.

But, yes, I'm dating this guy (and this girl, incidentally, at the same time) and he's dating another lady out where he lives in the San Fran in Cali. And she just found out about me. Yeah... after seven months. NOT a smart move on his part, and I told him so.

God, he is such a great guy (despite his supremely shitty-ness about this). He's just been really pummeled down by his family.

You can see it when you see him. He's skittish, but he's also angry. Right there under the surface. He made good use of my punching bag while he was here.

The point is, though, that I'm in love with him. I'm SO in love with him. I don't think I couldn't be. I was in love with him even when we were "friends". Though, we were only that for some three months, maybe. I was in love with him since the first time I started talking to him about my stories, and he told me about his.

This distance and this age is killing me, though. This... this thing that we have, I would wait for years to keep it going, but I am frustrated, nonetheless. I AM human.

Never mind. Never mind.

It's nearly midnight here and I guess I should get this pile of clothes on my bed all hung up.

Keep yourself well and make sure you know who you are at all times.


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